In an exclusive scoop that is sure to win the afternoon, the evening, and possibly the weekend, Daily Intel has the first look at the expectation-setting talking points being dispatched to surrogates by the Obama and Romney campaigns ahead of the first debate on Wednesday night:

From: Beth Myers, Senior Adviser
To: Interested Parties
Date: September 28, 2012
Re: 2012 Presidential Debates

As we approach the presidential debates, please keep in mind the following:
• President Obama is the most gifted orator the world has ever known. A recent scientific study determined that the tone of his voice alone is 52 percent more persuasive than the average human voice. He could literally just babble nonsense for 90 minutes, and the post-debate insta-polls would still name him the winner. As such, Romney is the clear underdog.

• Governor Romney has never participated in a general-election presidential debate before. He's never even watched one on TV. In fact, Romney doesn't even know that he has a debate next Wednesday. We're going to tell him on Tuesday night, around 11 p.m.

• Governor Romney has an unavoidably busy schedule in the coming days, and will likely not sleep for 72 hours prior to the first debate.

• President Obama has never told the truth, not even once, in his entire life, and we expect that to continue during the debates, although you won't hear about it from The Media.